Of Bartenders and Whores
by FlyingFishes.NeverEatToads
Summary: ...and Coming of Age. In which Squalo and Bel are sent on a perilous mission and everyone's favourite frog does all the work. Collaboration with Keraii.


**A/N: **First fic posted, and it's a collab with Keraii, who came up with most of the plotline oAo And I added poetry power. Written on a long trip of which only 5 days has passed so far. There might be a few misspells; this was written between some rough travelling and on WordPad, which has no spellcheck function anywhere. Tired mistakes shall abound, but they'll be fixed at the first chance~ Please R and R, your opinions are valued .o.

**Disclaimer: **None of the characters in here are originally ours. They belong to Amano Akira and all others involved in the creation of Katekyo Hitman Reborn!. And Bel_fag_or is not, sadly, our word :D If we did own it, there would yaoi absolutely _**everywhere. :DDDDDD**_

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><p>Squalo sighed as he pulled his brush through his matted silver hair, thinking through the day's stressful events; not that stress was in any way new to him, but today had been particularly rough. His eyes narrowed as he encountered another tangled bunch of strands.<p>

Levi was off doing his own things (God knew what he was doing in there) that Squalo had no intention of finding out about. He had heard some disturbingly wanton moans coming from the general direction of the Varia broom cupboard-that meant the freak had either expanded on his "Happy Hour Boss" collection or finally found a girlfriend instead of constantly stalking the boss. The latter was a dream that would never come true.

After dragging the lighting freak away from the cupboard and the traumatised cleaner, he had spent a few hours of "intense" training with that constantly cheerful, annoying brat that actually had some potential (but he wouldn't ever tell him that). And as usual, Xanxus had thrown a multitude of whisky glasses at his poor abused head-the reason why he had taken a shower and was now in front of a mirror attempting to rip all these godforsaken tangles out of his hair.

_Godforsaken tangles. _Sharklike eyes darkened at the mere thought of tangles in _his_ hair; his silky smooth pride. _I'm going to find that fucking boss after this and give him a piece of my mi-_The silverette's ears twitched as he heard the barest of footsteps enter the bathroom, followed by a very familiar laugh echoing against the walls.

"Bel, tell me what the fuck you are doing here right _now_, before I turn you into a pile of royal mush," Squalo growled, in as much of a threatening tone as he could muster in his state.

The prince simply giggled at the silver mess of hair plastered to the other's scalp. "No need to be so touchy, Squ-Squ," he sniggered, watching the shark's reaction to his hated nickname. "The boss wants to see you. 'Right _now_'," he simpered, imitating Squalo's voice.

Squalo sighed heavily once more. "What the fuck does the boss want now?", he grumbled.

"How should the prince know? He just seemed pissed." Bel sniggered some more, grinning like the cat that got the cream all the while. "I'd feel sorry for you, but royalty such as I shouldn't need to feel for the likes of you."

"Royalty?" The silverette snorted. "A royal pain in the ass, that's what you are." With that, Squalo took an about and began to stride quickly down the hall, his wet locks squelching as he did.

Only a few steps in, the hairs on his neck began to raise; he could hear a set of furtive steps tip-toing behind him. _More interruptions, _the rain guardian groaned inwardly, _what the fuck do those dumbasses want now? _He turned around sharply only to come face-to-face with a familiar blonde wearing his signature psychotic grin.

"What the fuck are you still here for, brat?"

The prince just grinned, as usual. "Well, the boss wants to see me too. Something about a special handbag."

"Handbag?"

A grin was his only reply as the two finally reached the grandoise double doors.

"VOOOOOOIIIII! Open up, assholes!"

A grunt was heard and the door opened to reveal a hairy-looking Varia grunt that came out with a terrified expression and dripping hair.

A deep, husky voice filled the dimly lit chamber. "Tch, coward." Red eyes gleamed at Squalo and Bel. "What the fuck do you want, trash?"

"Mission briefing bossu-chan, what else?"

"Shut up trash, I didn't tell you talk." growled Xanxus. "You're late. You were supposed to be here ten fucking minutes ago for that." He pulled a thick, beige folder out from a cabinet next to his chair and slammed it onto the oak table. "Don't do it again, trash."

"The Cara Mia family's drug trafficking antics in the east have been growing too big for the Vongola's liking, and the brats want us to eliminate the growing threat for them."

The rain guardian tentatively picked up the folder, scanning over the contents. His sharp eyes widened in disbelief at one particular word.

"SEDUCE? WHAT THE FUCK WERE THOSE BRATS THINKING?"

"Ushishishi~ I think that's a wonderful idea, don't you, Squ?"

"Shut it Bel_fag_or, I don't need your shit right now! VOI, XANXUUUS!"

A blur of light hurtling towards him warned him to quickly jump out of the way as a whisky glass smashed yet another hole into the abused wall behind him.

"Quiet, trash. You have exactly three days to finish this crap before the Servetti meeting. Any later and you'll be demoted to the brat's grunt for a month."

Squalo blanched inwardly at the thought. _A month. A whole month. Time to kick some Cara Mia ass._

. : : : : .

_Meanwhile..._

Rain pelted down on the small black, hooded figure as lightning crackled and dark clouds loomed menacingly over the city of Naples. Quick, all but silent steps saw the shadow at the entrance of 'Ye Old Innhouse', the mouldy old door creaking open as "it" made its way into the rowdy faux-Irish tavern and immediately approached the suspicious-looking bartender.

"Whaddaya want, kid?"

"A pitcher of beer, please," a flat voice requested.

The rotund bartender raised an eyebrow at the order. "You sure ya dun wanna glass of _milk _or something, brat? You sure as hell dun look eighteen to me."

The small figure shoved a thick wad of cash into the other's hand. "Are you sure about that, mister?"

The bartender's eyes widened at the massive bundle of euros in his ruddy hands. "A pitcher coming right your way, good sir." He quickly filled a jug to the brim with a frothy amber liquid as the smaller figure smiled inwardly. _The Varia Asylum does have its patient benefits after all._

A nod of thanks, and the barman waddled off to serve another customer.

"Hey there cutie, I ain't seen you 'round here before. You new to this place?"

The hooded male slowly turned at the sultry voice to come face-to-face with a cosmetic-plastered woman wearing sparkly pieces of cloth that could possibly be clothes that showed off her rather large "assets".

The figure immediately registered the woman as a prostitute. "Sort of. Just finishing off some...business." He surrepituously wiped his pocket knife clean on his pants.

"New, huh?" She simpered at the smaller male. "You look a little weary, hot stuff. Why don't I show you some of the best places in Naples? I know _exactly_ where they all are, baby."

The male rolled his eyes at the whore's antics, but decided that he had the time. Shooting a glance at the lady's bulging tube top, he decided that he _definitely _had the time.

The stripper smirked at his stare, knowing that she had him, and hooked her arm around his. She lead him into a small, dingy room with a modest mattress and a small end table near the back of the tavern. Locking the door, she pushed him onto the surprisingly soft bedding and pulled his hood off.

Minty green hair revealed itself as dull turquoise eyes came into the light. "Such a cutie pie," the woman cooed dramatically. "Name's Ella, nice to meet you, honey. Are you sure you know what yer doi-aaah!"

'Ella''s introduction was cut short as moans and grunts began to fill the room. A pair of mismatched eyes were watching the two from a far off place, their owner smirking as he sipped his pineapple juice and chuckled.

"Kufufu, my Little One is growing up so very well. I think I should teach him another position soon..."

. : : : : .

"VOOOIIII! Where the fuck are we, Bel?"

"Naples, of course~" The royal, blonde pain-in-the-butt shrugged. "Not sure where exactly _in_ Naples, but-"

Squalo twitched as his nerve finally snapped. The pair had been searching the entire city's darkest and dankest alleyways for hours with no reward.

"Goddammit, brat! GIVE ME THE FUCKING MAP!" Grabbing the small scrap of paper, Squalo scanned the tiny diagram carefully. "VOI, YOU FUCKING MORON! WE'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!"

The prince shrugged nonchalantly. "In case you didn't know, _squalo stupido_, It's a biiiiiiig city.

A loud thump and a muffled cry were his replies. Belphegor looked straight ahead, psychotic grin widening at the noise. "You didn't have to take it out on one of my poor, poorsubjects, Squ-Squ," he sighed dramatically. "He was _my_ target practice." The shorter male leant on the shark's shoulder and pouted at him like a child that had lost his favourite toy.

"Fuck that, you have plenty more of those back at the castle. Now hurry up and help me find somewhere to stay in this shithole, we're not going to find the target tonight at this rate.

"Naples isn't a shithole." Bel frowned as if it were a personal insult.

"What's it to you?"

"...nothing, shishi!"

With that, the blonde took off at full speed, skipping past the random dribs and drabs of light. "Catch me if you can, sharky-taichou!" He giggled like a coffee addict.

"VOOIII!" Squalo sprinted right after, taking the bait. "I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I COULD CATCH YOUR WIMPY ASS ANY DA-" Squalo skidded to a halt as the prince suddenly stopped, lightly hopping off a low brick ledge and turning to face him.

"Hey, Squ-Squ, what do you think of this?" He pointed at a mouldy old door bearing a sign that labelled the building as 'Ye Old Innhouse'. "I think it's pretty cute, ushishishi~"

"Cute? _That?_" The rain guardian shook his head. "You are one messed up kid, Belphegor."

"I know just how special I am, Squalo-chan." said kid preened. "Thanks for the reminder, though~ I'd hate to forget."

"Tch, whatever." snarled the shark. "But _there?_ They probably don't even have showers in that place." He paused to run his hand through his silver locks. "My hair will be fucking ruined. And besides, what's with the name? 'Ye Old Innhouse'? This is _Italy_, for fuck's sake, not Ireland!"

"You sound like a girl, Squ-Squ." Bel sneered. "Really? Your _hair?_"

The air was silent for a moment as Squalo froze at the suggestion.

"VOOII! Fuck it all, let's just get some sleep."

. : : : : .

"Fr-FRAN! AaaaAAH! _Faster! FASTER!_"

A small grunt from the younger male and "Ella" screamed as she hit her climax. "God, Fran, you are the most fucking amazing little _fucker,_" she panted. "Best I ever had since last week with that shitty fag. Best. Shag. _Ever_."

Fran just stared back at the woman indifferently. His pupils began to dilate as he did, until the prostitute suddenly fell limply onto the bed, pained screams muffled by the bedsheets. "Meh, dished out enough cash already tonight," he muttered. "She'll be dead in a minute or two."

Clambering off the mattress, he quickly pulled on his slacks and shoes back on before slipping the hood of his cloak over his face once more. Just before departing, he set in place a few inconspicuous illusions to remove any evidence that he was ever there.

Stretching his arms, he sunk back into the shadows and took off from the crumbling back door.

_Time to go "home", I suppose. _The illusionist shook off a crick in his neck as he made his way to his beloved sports car._ Maybe I should take shishou's advice and visit the brothel next time, that bitch was no fun..._


End file.
